[this event was recorded prior to coronavirus–Coy] I just finished my introductory speech to our inaugural group of tourists. They sat in folding chairs at the pavilion as I recited the history of our landing here. Then we proceeded to the viewing area where Deadpan engaged their interest with an explanation of harmonic progression. The tourists appear entranced by whatever we say or do. They don’t even seem to mind as I type this post; instead they’re watching me with utter fascination.
A tourist asked Deadpan if he could calculate pi. Deadpan replied, “Do you want the short answer?”
[this event was recorded prior to coronavirus–Coy] I’m writing this post as the cruise tender boat approaches the pier. I wish you could see this place. We stayed up most of the night putting up banners (a big one in the center and one at each side), hanging paper lanterns, and blowing up balloons. We can hear the tourists’ voices as the boat draws near. Some of them are waving at us and a few are shouting to attract our attention. I’m busy rehearsing my speech while the others prepare to secure the tender. Lmao once had his spaceship painted; he says they did a number on it too.
The cruise line that docks at the king’s port has approved our application to host an excursion at Alien Resort island. A tour boat will dock at our pier three times a month and a group of tourists will walk onto the beach. From there I’ll lead them to the pavilion and give my introductory speech. Afterwards, we’ll proceed to the viewing area, where we’ll mingle and answer questions. Then they can visit the gift shop before reboarding their boat. Deadpan once got approval for a clinical trial; he says it was a shot in the arm.
A final requirement of the cruise line is that we maintain a basic stock of concessions for sale to the tourists along with souvenirs of their visit to Alien Resort. Lmao jumped at the chance of running the gift shop. When he admitted he didn’t know the first thing about money, Deadpan surprised everyone with a business plan and a spreadsheet calculator program he had written himself. Online visitors can purchase Alien Resort souvenirs at our online gift shop. Lmao says he could go into the candy business and make a mint.
Over the years we’ve done a lot of construction on the island, and some of that will be put to use to accommodate the tourists. We have a boardwalk leading from the pier, and a supply shed at the end of the boardwalk. This is where we’ll build a pavilion and set up chairs for the tourists to listen to my introductory speech. Deadpan and Lmao are serving as my pretend audience but sometimes they break out laughing even when I haven’t said anything funny. Deadpan says bricks are the best building material because nothing else stacks up.
As we struggle through the application for hosting a cruise excursion, a voice inside me says this is the easy part. The hard part will come when the first tourists arrive and their eyes are on me waiting to hear me speak. I’ll probably start thinking about how I negligently crashed my spaceship. Plucky says I’m creating this scenario because my father used to tell me I was going to fail. She says that negative past experiences create bad thoughts, but assures me that my speech will go just fine because I have the power of will. Lmao once had a bad camping experience; he says it was a real bear.
We met today in the conference room of Plucky’s spaceship to prepare a plan for the Alien Resort island excursion. The cruise line is looking for an adventure that will resonate with its customers while we at Alien Resort need the excursion to be manageable and respectful of our privacy. The others tell me I’m a natural for the job of guide but, putting it mildly, I’m not as confident as they are. Still, the cruise line needs a plan, and we’re putting it together for better or worse. I asked Deadpan how astronauts got into space. He says they stood on the shoulders of giants.