As the shock from the arrest of our writer begins to recede, I’m ready to stop wringing my hands and begin figuring a way forward for Alien Resort comics. David Davis Jr. sent me a list of newspapers publishing Alien Resort and wished me luck. I’m not sure what I can say to the editors since we don’t have any new comics to send them. We’re going to have a meeting tonight in the conference room of Plucky’s spaceship. Deadpan’s lightning rod was expensive; he says nothing shocks him anymore.
My father told me I would never amount to anything. I decided to prove him wrong. At the age of eleven I ran away from home and learned how to fly a spaceship. I got a job doing research and traveled by myself across the galaxy for seventy years. I made a navigational error and crash-landed on Earth. This morning, with that mistake weighing heavily on my mind, I’m waking up to the realization that the future of Alien Resort comics is now in my hands. Lmao says that once when an entire football team was mad at him, his main concern was looking out for number one.
None of us is saying much these days. Our writer’s in jail and there’s nothing we can do to help him. And since we’re not getting any scripts, we’re having a hard time staying busy. What worries us most however is the uncertainty that lies ahead for the future of Alien Resort comics. We had just begun thinking we were going to fit in as productive members of Earth society; now we’ll be regarded as freeloaders. Our comics were spreading to more and more newspapers, and all of a sudden we have nothing to send them. Deadpan says that when he was a landowner, he had a lot to keep him busy.
We watched a news report today where they announced the charges against our writer David Davis: four counts of hiring illegal aliens. Bond was denied because Mr. Davis was arrested while boarding a plane and is considered a flight risk. The Beacons of Night claim that their tip to a friend in the prosecutor’s office led to the arrest. When Lmao was learning how to make spears he says he had to ask for tips.
When you sit on the beach at Alien Resort island, you hear the eons-old rush of the waves meeting the shore. But tonight we’re in the middle of the island, gathered in front of Plucky’s spaceship, and that sound is very distant. The view of the sky here is as good as anywhere on Earth. Long ago we gave up hope of a quick rescue, and have made peace with living on this planet. All of us agree that there are worse places to be stranded. Lmao got lost on his planet and forest rescue couldn’t find him. He says he was up a creek.
Plucky is teaching Deadpan how to use telepathy. He says he isn’t getting it. Whenever Plucky speaks aloud, she talks about technical issues like radar and satellites. Deadpan says he isn’t receiving these kinds of messages telepathically. Instead all he hears is what he describes as mushy things. He says he’ll keep trying. Lmao says he once met someone in gyroscope school–they were soon going steady.
After a few weeks had passed, we received a response to our “situations wanted” inquiry on Craigslist. A writer named David Davis wanted to make comics for newspapers but was having trouble developing characters. We sent him our bios and did a Skype; then he sent us some scripts. The arrangement has worked out better than anyone ever imagined. The four of us now have a workday we can look forward to, and Mr. Davis has been successful in getting our comics published in Earth newspapers. Lmao once bought a second-hand rover; it drove him up a wall.
With the advent of the internet, our lives at Alien Resort had improved dramatically. Gone were the days of sitting around with little to do and nights with nothing but far off radio stations to occupy our thoughts. And now, thanks to our wonderful landlord the king, we had regular supplies. But as everyone knows, having more doesn’t keep you from wanting more. And what we wanted most were additional ways to occupy our time. Consequently we published a “situations wanted” ad on Craigslist. Lmao once invented a new way to send a message; he says he shouted it from the highest mountain.
The kingdom that includes Alien Resort island is an archipelago. The kingdom’s closest neighbor is the Northern Mariana islands. These islands are seven hours from Hawaii and are located west of the international date line. The king will pick up our writer and his wife in the NMI capital Saipan. A Saipan travel office was going to arrange a fishing boat for the trip to Alien Resort but the king wouldn’t hear it. Deadpan once told the enemy he was going fishing; he says they took the bait.
Our writer Mr. Davis received a visit from government investigators asking whether we had anything to do with those lights in the sky reported by military pilots. Mr. Davis told them that all we do is make comics. He said that the last thing we would want is to cause trouble for a planet where we’re trying so hard to fit in. The investigators said they were acting on a tip. One thing we know is that the Beacons of Night recently blamed us for the lights in the sky. When Lmao invented a ray gun he said his planet’s police were so interested that they were beating down the door.
None of the food brought here by the king’s sailors was the least bit familiar to us. All we had known in our lifetimes were the foods from our home planets along with those native to Alien Resort island. We used the internet to help us decipher the information on the packaging. Lmao, who came from a family of carnivores, eyed the canned hams. Plucky, having heard about sweets on the radio, couldn’t resist opening a chocolate bar. Deadpan wanted nothing but vanilla ice cream–he said it seemed like such a simple concept. I began with a bag of Cheetos because the package said they contained real cheese. Everyone wants to eat the best food possible; Deadpan says that’s only natural.
Plucky got a beacon from her spaceship and used it to guide the king’s landing boat into our harbor. Two muscular sailors dropped a ramp onto the sand. A man in a uniform walked down the ramp and asked who Coy was. I raised my hand slowly. “I‘m the ship’s captain,” he said kindly. “His majesty the king extends his greetings to the residents of Alien Resort island.” I shook his hand. More sailors disembarked and met with Plucky, Deadpan, and Lmao, seeking instructions on where to bring the supplies. Lmao was right about the best way to carry luggage; he rests his case.
I wrote in an earlier post about how Mr. Davis has given me permission to help answer comments. He also said I could comment on other websites if the author doesn’t mind. I have even had conversations with dogs who narrate blog posts. Some of the Earthlings I have talked to say I’m different from what they expected. They say I’m just like them. I explain that I’ve been using the internet for 25 years. Deadpan says he once forgot his dog’s name but it finally came to him.
Everything seemed to be happening at once. The king’s sailors, Earthlings, were coming to Alien Resort island, and they were bringing supplies. We spent the next week painting the pier and dredging a small harbor for their landing boat. We had long discussions. What would they be like? Would they talk like the overnight DJs on Earth radio? Would they stare at us? The king said the cargo would include a few basic medical supplies; Deadpan thinks they’re just what the doctor ordered.
Twenty-five years ago, using our newly built internet transceiver, we found a chat room hosted by the king who owns Alien Resort island. We typed a message, telling him who and where we were, and waited. Finally, his three word reply: “Good God Almighty.”
After the king’s initial surprise, he said that since we weren’t causing him any trouble, we were welcome to remain on the island. He also asked if we needed any supplies. We cheered. Our spaceship storerooms were empty and we were tired of eating fresh fish and exotic tropical fruits. Lmao’s ancestors were forest dwellers; he says he has pictures of the family tree.
About twenty-five years ago Plucky picked up a signal from one of Earth’s artificial satellites. “I didn’t know Earth was using this frequency,” she said. “I could build a transceiver.” Within a month we were receiving internet messages. We found out that Alien Resort island is part of a kingdom–we decided to contact the king. Plucky thinks it’s possible to construct a living creature; Deadpan said it would take a lot of nerve.
During our early years on Earth, when we had nothing to do, Plucky would monitor her radio receiver for signals from space. Around the year 1920 she began to pick up signals from far-off Earth radio broadcasts. We didn’t understand the language at that time, but we were able to enjoy the music that was played. These days we have YouTube: I like jazz, Plucky likes pop, Deadpan listens only to Kraftwerk, and Lmao likes punk. Back then we needed a dance floor; Lmao knew how to cut a rug.
Plucky says the boat we intercepted showed up clearly on her radar screen. The Beacons’ claim of stealth technology wasn’t true. And there wasn’t any navy; they only had one boat. But this is far from over; the Beacons want us to know. Lmao hopes we can get some towels delivered now; he’s been wringing his hands.
A speedboat carrying four young men and displaying an Earthlings Unite flag ran out of gas just outside the zone of the force field. The men were armed with slingshots and a fireworks cannon. A ship belonging to the king who owns Alien Resort island pulled up alongside. The men in the speedboat asked the sailors if their ship had a buffet. The sailors gave the men gas and cheese puffs and told them not to come back. Lmao can’t wait to eat his hamburger; he says it’s dead meat.
Plucky built a radar station at Alien Resort during Earth’s twentieth century. We weren’t in danger at the time but atmospheric sampling alerted her to advances in Earth technology that could someday pose a threat. Recent events have called for extensive testing of the radar system. When Plucky was trying to figure out how to calibrate the radar signal, Lmao told her she could bounce it off him.
The Beacons of Night announced that the navy they are using to approach and attack Alien Resort island is employing stealth technology. This explains why we haven’t been able to spot them on radar. The problem we have is that our force field cannot be continuously deployed; we must wait for the enemy to draw near before turning it on. Deadpan says he has a cat who waits for him with bells on.
Our plea for advice on how to build a force field has paid off. Engineers have responded from all over the planet Earth. The eleven dollars we collected in our GoFundMe campaign was just enough (with a coupon) to buy the parts for a force field fifty percent nuclear fusion and fifty percent quantum entanglement. If the Beacons of Night attempt to invade Alien Resort, they will be obliterated. The engineers want us to help them move an atom; Deadpan said it was the least he could do.
The above clipping is from the April 25, 2019 Mountain Ear newspaper (Nederland, Colorado). Following is the complete text (byline Edmund Itor):
If I could do it all over again, I would never become a newspaper editor.
Everything started a few months ago when I got an email from a guy who writes comics. Mr. Davis asked if I would like to publish his comics in the paper. I told him no, there isn’t any space. And there isn’t, because we have a lot of advertisers, and advertisements are what pay our bills.
But he kept pestering me, and his comics are funny, so I told him I would run one a week on a trial basis.
The comics are called Alien Resort. According to Mr. Davis, there really is a place across the sea called Alien Resort. Mr. Davis says he writes the scripts for the comics and sends them over the internet to the resort. There the comics are rehearsed and assembled by a team whose members arrived here from other planets and are now stranded on Earth.
Coy, the founder of Alien Resort, crash landed on Earth after a five-hundred-year interstellar flight. Plucky, a bossy spaceship captain and her sidekick, a comedian named Lmao, broke down while trying to rescue Coy. Deadpan, another funny guy, arrived later.
It turns out the resort is in a bit of turmoil. The radical organization Beacons of Night is claiming that since the extraterrestrials aren’t from Earth, they don’t have the right to work here, and therefore must stop making comics.
The island upon which the resort is situated is part of a kingdom, and the king has given his blessing for the four to live at the resort and make comics.
Since the situation at Alien Resort is currently in a stalemate, the Beacons of Night have begun other strategies to persuade its occupants to stop making comics.
The Beacons compiled a list of all the newspapers that are publishing Alien Resort comics and sent letters to the editors warning them not to publish any more comics.
I received such a letter about a month ago and tossed it in the trash. Last night somebody painted graffiti on our building with the Beacons’ slogan “Earthlings Unite”.
This is an example of what it’s like to be an editor. No matter what you do, somebody isn’t going to be happy.
One of the reporters asked me if I’m going to run an Alien Resort comic tomorrow. I told him no I’m not going to run a comic. I’m going to run two of them.
The developing story of Alien Resort continues on the Alien Resort website at https://alienresort.net.
The king who owns the island where Alien Resort is situated has offered to assist us in any way possible. If the Beacons of Night enter his territorial waters, he’ll regard it as an act of war. He has a small navy and they practice every Tuesday. Lmao once tried to invent a curved gun but gave up; he says he could shoot himself.
Mr. Davis is busy with newspaper editors so I am helping answer comments. I will also continue to narrate the posts. Mr. Davis apologizes for any inconvenience. Plucky thanked Deadpan for testing her new suntan lotion; Deadpan said it was no skin off his back.
Plucky told me that she and Lmao have been friends for over two thousand years. Yesterday Lmao asked Deadpan if he thought Plucky was attractive. Deadpan replied that he knew Plucky had been making some electromagnets. Last evening I saw Deadpan and Plucky walking along the pier. I had never seen them together on the pier at sunset so I figured they were looking for something.
Hello, I’m David Davis, the writer for Alien Resort comics. I want to thank Coy for narrating the posts and helping answer comments, and also a thank you to Captain Plucky–she’s the resort expert on drones, force fields, and everything else technical.
Coy says our readers want to know more about “Mr. Davis”. Well, normally, most of my time is spent writing Alien Resort comics and communicating with newspaper editors. Lately I’ve been working with Coy and Plucky keeping readers up to date on the plan by the Beacons of Night to launch a seaborne invasion of Alien Resort.
The rest of my time is spent making animated videos. A short video I completed recently is going to screen at a film festival later this year.
Other than that, I try to manage two cats that jump in and out of my lap all day long. There isn’t much you can do about it except pet them until they get bored and finally jump down. Then it’s back to work. Deadpan has a robot that likes to cuddle cats; he says it has a soft spot for them.
It’s fixed now–If you click the play button and video doesn’t start, click “YouTube”–Coy (23 seconds long)
We would rather be travelling through outer space but we like making comics too. When we make comics, we’re not just your everyday extraterrestrials stranded on a remote Earth island. Instead, we become four outliers of Earth society who come into your home by way of the local paper and (hopefully) make you laugh. Deadpan once built a hovercraft; he says it kept him off the street.
Alien Resort needs a force field badly. Our GoFundMe campaign is about to enter its third week. The problem is more complex than we thought. How do you build a force field around a Pacific island sufficient to protect it from invasion by a small navy? Please use the comments section or the Alien Resort website contact form to convey your ideas. I asked Lmao how many arithmetic classes he attended; he said he could count them on one hand.
We’re trying to see this from the Beacons’ point of view. According to them, when we make comics for newspapers, we’re stealing jobs from Earthlings. Our writer Mr. Davis assures us that only extraterrestrials can play the roles required by Alien Resort comics. I asked Mr. Davis if an Earthling could dress up like an extraterrestrial and make Alien Resort comics. Mr. Davis said he would have to rename them Dressed Up Like Alien Resort comics. He said editors wouldn’t want them. Lmao once attended beauty school; he says if he ever goes back he’ll have to take a makeup exam.
We have set up a GoFundMe page to help purchase parts for a force field. The Beacons’ seaborne invasion is drawing near: We have a limited amount of time to raise the money, order the parts, and deploy the force field. Deadpan knew a mother cat who needed help, and everyone contributed to the kitty.
If we had to stop making comics our lives would become boring, and I know what that’s like. When I crash landed on Earth, I spent the first hundred years building a transmitter to contact my home base. For the next hundred years, stranded on this island, I didn’t know what to do with myself; I just kept transmitting and hoped for the best. Then Plucky and Lmao arrived, also stranded, and it wasn’t long before the three of us didn’t know what to do with our time. Then, finally, Earthlings got the internet, we built our internet transceiver, Mr. Davis contacted us, and we started making comics. One day a long time ago, after we had discussed possible methods of crossing the ocean, Lmao suggested that we play bridge.
One of the editors summoned our writer to her newspaper office. The editor had heard that the Beacons were planning to invade Alien Resort because they don’t like us making comics. She said some of her readers are taking the side of the Beacons, believing that the extraterrestrials shouldn’t be allowed to make comics because they’re stealing jobs from Earthlings. She told those readers she would take their views into consideration but assured Mr. Davis that she was going to continue running Alien Resort comics, at least for the foreseeable future; Lmao says we should invent a key card; it could open a lot of doors.
Rumors are swirling that the Beacons of Night are going to invade Alien Resort. Apparently they know somebody who has a navy. The Beacons say they’ll reconsider if we agree to stop making comics. Deadpan remembers an enemy attacking during lunch; they ordered it to go.
The Beacons of Night are telling everyone that Alien Resort is creating a comic about mutants, and that we’re using humans as subjects. Deadpan says that if the authorities demand a sample of his blood, he’ll just bite his lip.
The Beacons of Night claim we’re holding Earthlings hostage at Alien Resort. They’re saying their drone sent back pictures. A couple of things: first, their drone didn’t transmit any data, and second, I don’t know what we would do with an Earthling if we had one. Lmao said cloning them would be a good way to make friends.
The Beacons of Night claim that the drone we intercepted belongs to them. They say the drone relayed findings to them that are going to surprise everyone. We’re already surprised because we intercepted the drone before the radio transmitter could be activated. Lmao says at first he thought the drone was a vulture with a bone to pick.
Earthlings are proceeding along one of the Standard Paths of technological advancement. Last night Plucky spotted one of their drones in the sky near the resort, and she intercepted it. The engineering contained in the drone is charmingly quaint. Deadpan says he once caught a housefly that was on the radar screen.
The editor of the Mountain Ear newspaper says he won’t be intimidated. He received a warning letter from the Beacons of Night about a month ago but continued to publish Alien Resort comics anyway. Now that someone has painted the Beacons’ slogan “Earthlings Unite” on his newspaper’s building, he says he plans to increase publication from one comic a week to two, maybe even three. According to Deadpan, the newspaper building maintenance crew is still on break and the editor is waiting for them to resurface.
David Davis wears three hats. First, I write scripts for Alien Resort newspaper comics. Second, I’m the media director for the island studio known as Alien Resort.
Alien Resort has four extraterrestrial inhabitants who rehearse my scripts and assemble them into comics for newspapers. You can view newspaper tear sheets of these comics on the Hall of Fame page of this blog.
And third, I’m the author of this blog. I created the blog to tell the developing story surrounding Alien Resort, about how the Beacons of Night want Alien Resort to quit making comics because they say we’re stealing jobs from Earthlings. Out at the resort, Lmao just finished the repair of a leaky roof–he says he nailed it.
One of our editors tells us that someone painted graffiti on the wall of his newspaper’s office with the Beacons’ slogan “Earthlings Unite”. Deadpan says they probably used so much paint because they had a case of the blues.
We told the king that the government wants us to have id cards and work permits. He made us these really nice id cards. He said that if the government wants work permits then the government will have to come and talk to him. When he asked if we were engaged in commerce, Deadpan said it sounds like he means business.
Here I am next to Dennis the Menace. He’s funny. My comics are funny too but sometimes David Davis gets writer’s block. No joke. (I made that one up myself).
The island that Alien Resort sits on is part of a kingdom. The king has a crown and a robe but he only uses them during ceremonies. He likes ceremonies because people hand him everything on a silver platter.
Our writer David Davis received a letter from the government asking if we had id cards and work permits. He thinks the Beacons of Night want to cause us trouble because they say we’re stealing jobs from Earthlings. Lmao says let them hunt us down; he’s game.
Plucky describes how she got here: Lmao and I departed our planet in response to an emergency signal from Coy stranded on Earth. There must be something about the Earth’s atmosphere because we’re grounded too. I almost hit the eject button but Lmao told me to keep my fingers crossed.
One of the newspaper editors wants to know how we got here. I got off course during a 70 year trip. My ship landed in a lagoon on Alien Resort island. Deadpan here is asking me if I had to bail.
I called a meeting and we met in the conference room of Plucky’s ship in the middle of the island. By now everyone had heard about the Beacons of Night and how they invented a story that we were hiding secret messages in our comics.
Plucky thinks the Beacons don’t like us and they’re just trying to get other Earth people to join them. Deadpan asked if they were robots and said they might have a screw loose. Lmao said the cat might know more because he stays on top of things.
Coy: We’re hearing about a group of Earthlings that says we shouldn’t be making comics for Earth newspapers. The group is called the Beacons of Night. They’re telling everyone that our comics contain hidden messages. Our comics do no such thing. Lmao invented a safety match; he says it won’t set the world on fire.