News

We’re Extremely Concerned

Words can’t describe the depth of our concern about our missing friend. Nobody has heard from Plucky in the 48 hours since her disappearance. The worst of our anxiety stems from our complete helplessness as we rely on reports from her lawyers still at the hotel in Saipan. We’re gathered around the radar screen in Plucky’s spaceship in the vain hope of spotting any sort of unusual activity in the seas between here and Saipan. Someday I’m going to build a deep sea habitat; Deadpan says I shouldn’t let anyone burst my bubble.

Plucky is Missing

I just received an urgent text from Plucky’s lawyers stating that Plucky has disappeared. The lawyers went out onto the town to celebrate their success and left Plucky in the hotel in the care of a hired security guard. The guard fell asleep, and when he awoke, Plucky was gone. The Saipan police have been notified, and a search has been launched across the island. I told Lmao I needed to find my missing shoe; he told me to hop to it.

Decision Announced

We just received a report from Plucky’s lead attorney and I’m posting it as it comes in to me: “The judge who presided at Plucky’s deposition has issued his findings in the case. The judge writes: ‘I have listened to the questions posed by the prosecutors about the lights in the sky and the responses given by the defendant Plucky of Alien Resort. It is my decision that all charges be dropped without delay. I find that the defendant had nothing to do with those lights, and I question why this prosecution was ever begun. I’m going to require the government to submit a report detailing the evidence supporting the indictment, and if no evidence can be cited, then I’ll issue sanctions against the office of the prosecutor. If I find that there’s been political interference supporting the prosecution, then I will further order that participating groups and individuals be promptly investigated’.” l asked Deadpan if he was going to build a polygraph; he replied: “To tell you the truth, I don’t need one.”

Waiting for a Decision

Plucky called me from the hotel, where she’s sharing a room with one of the women lawyers. We’re all tense because there’s so much at stake. The lawyers had advised Plucky previously that the deal they reached with government investigators carried a certain amount of risk. While the journey to Saipan was intended to end the matter, the fact remains that she is still under indictment, and the judge’s decision on whether to move the case forward could go either way. Lmao has a time travel buddy; they go way back.

Lights in the Sky Testimony

In her deposition, Plucky told investigators that the lights in the sky reported by military pilots do indeed originate from an advanced civilization. She further stated that we’ll probably never know the location of that source. The process involved is photon entanglement, where a group of photons at the source are entangled with a similar group far away: in this case, at the top of Earth’s atmosphere. The source civilization may not be aware that Earth is being impacted, and may even be unaware of Earth’s existence. I asked Deadpan how fast light travels; he said: “Faster than you think.”

Deposition Complete

Plucky’s lead attorney just texted me that the deposition is complete, and that they have left the governor’s office and returned to the hotel. He says that everyone at the deposition was serious but cordial. Besides Plucky and her lawyers, those present included the governor, a hearings judge, and the mainland government investigators. The testimony will be revealed to the public soon. Lmao used to wear an expensive suit; he says he had it made.

Slow News Day

Plucky’s lawyers maintained contact with me as their motorcade approached the governor’s office for Plucky’s deposition. We had been told that the streets of Saipan weren’t usually very crowded. We were therefore surprised when the motorcade hit a wall of traffic about a mile before its destination. Almost immediately a crowd of media types rushed toward the motorcade with smartphones raised. Lmao thinks his friend the ghost is handsome: ”If only he could be in pictures.”