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At Least It’s Not Powerpoint

Plucky whispered to the woman, then glanced around the room. “This is Susan,” she began, “at least according to the translation software.” She looked at her notes, then continued: “Susan lives with her mother and father in a cavern in the mountains of Alien Resort island. Her family, like us, arrived here from another part of the universe, attracted to the island by the same magnetic circumstance that brought down Coy’s ship. Susan, I’ll let you piggyback on that.” Deadpan says that if he keeps going to all these meetings, the chair will begin to recognize him.

Double Take

I entered the conference room for our spur-of-the-moment meeting, and my jaw dropped. Sitting between Plucky and Lmao and talking back and forth with them was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I knew but couldn’t believe that this was the same woman whom, screaming and disheveled, I had assisted in securing to a chair just over 24 hours earlier. She glanced at me; I regained my composure and took a seat. I asked Deadpan how fast light travels, and he replied: “faster than you think.”

You’ll Like Her

Plucky stopped by this morning and brought me the most astonishing news: The woman who is now a guest in Plucky’s spaceship is an extraterrestrial who has lived in a remote area of Alien Resort island for thousands of years. The woman told Plucky she wants to meet with all of us and share her story. I sent the king an email update, then went to Deadpan’s shack to inform him about our meeting to take place this afternoon in Plucky’s conference room. When I asked Deadpan if I could borrow his suspended animation chamber, he said: ”Knock yourself out”.

Bangs Would Look Good On You

We knew we couldn’t just leave the woman tied to a chair so Plucky had me help her carry the chair into the spaceship’s parlor, a secure room; then I left. Plucky stopped by my ship later that night and reported that the woman was now untied and asleep in the parlor. Guessing that the woman was the one who had taken the lipstick, Plucky calmed her down by appealing to her vanity, helping her bathe and dress, and summoning roommate Lmao to don a mask, do her hair and assist with makeup. Lmao couldn’t get the lid off the ointment jar. He said: “therein lies the rub.”

You’ll Pay For This

As we observe the woman struggling in her restraints and muttering unfamiliar syllables, Plucky explains that she caught her breaking into a shed. She told her to stop, and when the woman charged, Plucky demobilized her with a mini static electricity generator. Plucky’s translation software is finally booting up, and the first words we hear are: “Let me go, outsiders, or we will hurt you.” When I asked Deadpan to use a cuss word in a sentence, he said: “Right now my mind is a blank.”

Hold Her Other Wrist

I was walking along the beach this morning when I heard a shriek, followed by a commotion originating from the direction of Plucky’s ship. When I arrived, Plucky was struggling to restrain a young female, all covered with mud and extremely disheveled in appearance. Plucky shouted for me to bring a chair, and together she and I sat the woman down and secured her to the chair. Lmao once knew a cave woman; he says he carried a torch for her.

Things Don’t Just Disappear

Lmao, who is Plucky’s roommate, invited me to the patio of their spaceship for a tropical drink. Plucky leaned out the window and asked Lmao if he had her lipstick. He replied that it wasn’t his color and joked that maybe Ronald Wayne Devers took it when he took her cat. “Mr. Devers didn’t take it,” Plucky replied. “The lipstick went missing after he left the island. I know where I put it, and I don’t see how it could possibly be gone.” I’ve never taken inventory; Deadpan says I don’t know what I’m missing.